Life

Transitions

~ vibhadassingh ~ 7 Comments

20191113_112609

“You can not save people. You can only love them.” – Anais Ninn

Life is never a straight line and it is always full of twists and turns. We are always transitioning from one stage of our life to the next one. We are always experiencing death of our old selves and the birth of our new selves. Our life is a story of these transitions and how well we adapt to these changing roles. I have found that we become stoic and at times heartless and unforgiving through these life transitions. We put them into the too hard basket, too difficult to deal with.

We come face to face with our vulnerabilities, we discover how very fragile we actually are.  And amongst all this confusion and madness, we look for love, some understanding, and some support. We look for a loving companion, a friend, a soul mate….a special someone who could help us to transition smoothly through all these dark and hazy crevices of our life. We want someone who could show us how to let some rays of light shine through these narrow and dark fault lines of our life. We want a map to navigate through the unknown territory of our soul, full of self doubts, fears and shortcomings.

At times, we all find this world an incredibly crazy place to dwell in. In these moments of darkness and brokenness, I have discovered a meditation to help us transition through these ups and downs of life gracefully, something to think about, something to ponder over in our moments of solitude. I have found this practice really beneficial at many levels.I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want a life filled with love. In order for this to happen, the effort must start within us. Rather than waiting for other people to provide the love we desire, we must be a vision and a source of love. We must tap into our own loving-kindness in order to set an example for others to follow suit.

It has been said that ‘the shortest distance between two points is an intention’. This is certainly true with regard to a life filled with love. The starting point or foundation of a life filled with love is the desire and commitment to be a source of love. Our attitude, choices, acts of kindness, and willingness to be the first to reach out will take us towards this goal.

Next time you find yourself frustrated at the lack of love in your own life or at the lack of love in the world, try an experiment. Forget about the world and other people for few minutes. Instead, look into you own heart. Can you become a source of greater love? Can you think of loving thoughts for yourself and others? Can you extend these loving thoughts towards the rest of the world – even to people whom you think don’t deserve it???

By opening your heart to the possibility of greater love, and by making yourself a source of love (rather than getting love) as a top priority, you will be taking an important step in getting the love you desire. The more love you give, the more you will receive. As you put more emphasis on being a loving person, which is something you can control – and less emphasis on receiving love, which is something you can’t control – you will find that you have plenty of love in your life. Soon you will discover one of the greatest secrets in the world: Love is its own reward.

Love is God and God is Love and love cancels innumerable sins and is merciful and is forgiving. It has no limits to its endurance, bears everything patiently. Love is neither servile nor arrogant. It always acts in harmony with others. All we need is LOVE…. in our lives and beyond, right?

And here are some very famous and widely quoted words to help us transition through life in addition to the above love verses from the Bible. I find these verses from the Bhagvad Gita, incredibly soothing and therapeutic as well:

Whatever happened, happened for the good; whatever is happening, is happening for the good; whatever will happen, will also happen for the good only. You need not have any regrets for the past. You need not worry for the future. The present is happening……

So, let it go, infact let it all GO and let life happen to you. Be spontaneous and let it all flow.  Be present, be mindful. Live in the moment. Let the inevitable and ever present transitions in your life be like thrilling chapters – full of adventure, laughter and most importantly full of love.

 

Love thy will be done!

This Must Be The Place

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

b469c0543d3e5834a62edeac9658f43a

“The world is a book and those who do not travel, read only one page” – St Augustine

You know this is what I did when I took a break from the daily grind last summer. I wrote and wrote, and wrote. Here, I am sharing a few excerpts from my last summer’s diary entries, circa 2018:

I was lying down on warm sand, somewhere on the coast of hope, dreams and wild imaginations. Salty breeze was caressing my bare back and I was fervently pouring down my thoughts on the crisp white pages of an orange cover diary, which was a farewell gift from a very dear friend who lived in Cairo, Egypt…..

It was Kishore Da (I am a self confessed Bollywood freak) who sang, “Musafir hoon yaaron….” (I am a traveller, friends…) and it was Anais Nin who said, “We travel, some of us forever, to see other states, other lives, other souls”. In my solitude, as I set out to discover the unknown of late, never has this felt more true.

Lately my soul mate/my love (let’s call him L from now onwards) has been coming home from his work and saying to me, ” Vib, let’s sell everything, we will get a good exchange rate, currently Aussie dollar is even bigger than the US dollar and let’s go to India. I will grow a beard and leave our son with nana nani (my parents) for a while and….you and me – lets go backpacking around India. I want to write Vib, I want to write. I wanna work in the slums of India, some social work, some community development work. Enough of this high flying, jet-setting, high-pressure, ministers galore lifestyle. I wanna break free, do something drastic. Lets have a seachange. I wanna add some meaning to this life – something beyond this meaningless existence of consumerism, daily grind, rat race etc”.

Always known L as a bit of an eccentric, oddball, highly principled, strong and scary type but then the thought of giving it all up does scare me a bit, especially when you have a kid. But then life’s never been boring with my Scorpion L, he has always given me the flights of my life – I trust him with my life. When I met him, he was this young writer, a philosophy graduate who was just so different from the rest of the crowd and that’s why I fell head over heels in love with him and married him. But the big question is….Do I have the courage to give it all up and go for the unknown with my man? My heart says ‘yes’, I have always followed my heart and it has hardly ever gone wrong. After all, life is always best played without a script – always been my motto. So I say to my man, “yes, let’s do it!”

Are we destined to be nomads for life? Constantly seduced by what is unattainable, mysterious and exotic in our minds? It’s an exciting thought but scary too. Our dreams often say more about us than we would ever like anyone to know.

I am sure you will agree with me when I say that sometimes, at least a few times, in our dreams and in our imaginations, we have all tried to explore new paths, a new city, a new love, a new everything, even a new ‘us’, a totally new life….to some extent. We have all spun fantasies and have tried to live them up, despite not knowing our directions or even our end destinations at all. We are people who when fear of the unknown stare us in the face, we look back at it boldly with wide eyes and ask, “could you be any more fascinating?”

LESSONS LEARNT: When you move away you can be yourself, you can be someone else, you can be who you want to be. In that desire to be unmasked comes a certain sense of freedom.

This is the great power of any journey. When elsewhere becomes here. When we are forced to navigate for ourselves. When we are forced to feel alive and our senses are heightened. When our dreams come close to reality and we feel happy, fulfilled, challenged, confused, dazed, peaceful, restless, euphoric, ecstatic….all at once.

May the dream never end.

I dedicate this with love and respect to us all – to the wanderers and the searchers in us all. We are not there yet but almost…. which is of course each and everyone of us.

PS: I love the brightness, the boldness, the newness of no fixed plan and an itinerary that is loose at best. Destinations unknown, people unmet, places unseen. Play the great explorer; take off and touch down. Go on friends, live a little…

Let’s get lost!!!
~ The Gypsy Girl Vibs

 

My Second Home Australia

~ vibhadassingh ~ 3 Comments

3db940d6813280cb55acd7838d7b89e4
So, you are flying off to Australia
Yes, I said in a sing song voice, I was excited
You see, I was only a young Indian ‘thingie’
A land of kangaroos, kookaburras, koalas and ‘the Don’
You hear about since your days of ‘kindie’

I turned the pages of the Queenland Uni Brochure
It’s bright, sunny with lanes of lavender
People looked friendly with smiles galore
Beaches and blue skies stretch forever and evermore

A land of empty spaces, milk and honey
A land of opportunities and money
It seemed like an endless dream
I was convinced, it was the ‘lucky country’ to the brim

The deal is, I will have to leave my home
Things I hold so dear to my heart and soul
Family and friends, Bollywood and the spicy food
Samosas and jalebis, and the hot street food

The crowded streets, chaotic traffic and the wet June
Colours and aromas, street cricket and weddings
And my favourite pastime ‘Chasing the Monsoon’
But I knew, I will miss my ‘God of Small Things’

‘Bring a plate’, they said
I obeyed nevertheless with some apprehensions abound
‘Bring a chair’, they said again
And I wondered whether I was mentally sound

India and Australia share cricket stadiums
Hockey, English and now loads of Uranium
Assimilation and integration must be easier
It cannot be this crazier

I ‘googled’ the definition of a true blue ‘Aussie’
But never asked, ‘please explain’, to my mates Aussie
I learnt, it was after all an ocean of migrant waves
Going right back to 1700s and colonial slaves

Slowly but surely, I learnt the Aussie ways
It’s a land of ‘moving forward’ and ‘fair ways’
You say what you mean – ‘a fair go for all’
To find the pearls, you have to dig deeper
To get the gold, you have to go steeper

I resurrected my own home brick by brick
A backyard with a ‘Hills Hoist”
A front lawn with green hardy grass, all moist
Bright yellow wattles, replaced rows of marigold
Lamingtons somehow tasted like Gulaab Jamuns many fold

A love union with a 4th generation Indian-Aussie and three kids later
Australia has now become my ‘Home, Sweet Home’ for better
I am finally a true ‘battler’ Indian-Aussie lass
Belonging to the ‘ordinary mum and dad class’

Australia gave me mates, family, sausage sizzles and footy
Smokin’ barbie, avocadoes, macadamia nuts and precious booty
I took many many trips to Bunnings
And let me tell you mate, it’s a bewdy, and it’s stunning.

I stumbled upon ‘Shantaram’, one fine day
Moored on a continent ‘without land borders’, all happy and gay
Beckoning me with open arms, to embrace me tight
Voila, I found my home on the very Aussie ‘Cloudstreet’ in sight

My heart skipped a beat or two
When Australia beat India with a wicket or two
I headed straight to a local pub and drank some Aussie beer
With delight so fine and sheer

Am I happy, are my loyalties divided?
My heart sings ‘Waltzing Matilda’ with notes delighted
And in joyful strains, I dream of Advancing Australia Fair
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oye, Oye, Oye, I scream with dare

With a big cheesy smile, I finally realised
It is fair dinkum to say, Australia IS ‘bloody fantastic”,
and now it’s my Home Sweet Home, so very majestic!!!

By Vibha Das-Singh

 

Perfectly Imperfect

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

ced69f27fba17b235d9b609dbfff196f

There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in – Leonard Cohen

What would you do if you are given a piece of blank canvas, paintbrush and some colours? Would you just keep it blank or would you draw some lines, sketches or would you paint it wildly and make it a painting, a piece of art, your own version of a Masterpiece? The choice is all yours. We all have one life but how we live it, what we do with it, is always our own decision, our choice. We can make our life a piece of art or just live a life which is very mundane, colourless and resembles a blank canvas. Of course, there are many contributing factors how our life turns out to be, such as cultural, geographical, environmental, and the opportunities we are provided with in our lifetime. However, we can make art even from scrapes. We can collect all the bits and pieces of our unique life experiences and create something beautiful out of them.

How would you define art? Does it bring you joy and happiness? Do you try your best to make it as perfect and as orderly as you can to make it a perfect piece of art? Is perfection an important ingredient of a perfect piece of art or art is imperfect? Have you ever wondered if imperfection and spontaneity can create a beautiful piece of art?

Since our childhood, we come across constant messages of perfection, excellence and brilliance. We are told that any flaws, cracks or defects are undesirable and should be avoided and rejected at all costs. All the various religions and the philosophies of this world talk about how to live your life and how to reach that near perfect stage as a human being on this planet. Anything or anyone short of being ‘perfect’ is seen as a failure. We have all come across perfectionists during our lifetime. We all have at least one perfectionist in our family. Perfectionists seek perfection in everything they do. It is great to be a perfectionist but then life teaches you that life is not perfect.

Our modern day society is obsessed with perfection, perfection in all spheres of life. Perfection is sought at any cost. We as a society want to be physically perfect, we spend billions of dollars on our visual image. We torture ourselves to be without any blemish, without any scars, without any flaws. The cities are awash with humungous billboards promoting flawless, blemish free, prefect models. We want to live in perfect houses with perfect furnishings, perfect cars, perfect vacations, perfect kids, perfect pets, perfect jobs, and perfect everything. These days you can even have a perfect death, you can buy a designer coffin bag for yourself with a hefty price tag – there you go – perfect in life, perfect in death! You could be the epitome of perfection, with money you can achieve perfection more or less. The only pitfall with money is, it doesn’t guarantee you inner peace, contentment or happiness. It is all superficial and soul destroying.

One day, when I was juggling with this ‘perfection vs imperfection’ thoughts, I came across the Japanese philosophy of ‘Wabi-Sabi’. It emerged as an antidote and reaction to the dominant extravagant and luxurious ways of living in the 15th century Japan. It is defined as the Japanese art of imperfect beauty. It is the art of finding beauty in imperfection, in all things imperfect – living or non-living. It is about accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay and death. It is uncluttered, slow and simple. It celebrates life in all its natural stages. It worships cracks, scars, crevices, marks, so called unsightly spots of all kinds and accepts them whole heartedly and finds beauty in them. In today’s world of perfection, it is a breath of fresh air. It is everything that the dominant modern culture is not.
Wab–Sabi values simplicity, modesty and authenticity with an acceptance of the old, of the worn out, and of the asymmetrical. In wabi sabi, you understand and embrace the idea that nothing in this world is permanent, perfect, or complete. It also emphasizes the fact that life hardly ever works out the way we plan it.

Wabi-Sabi is soothing and calming. It is a serene philosophy of acceptance. It teaches us to accept the natural cycle of life. It teaches us to accept the natural process of aging and different stages of life with grace and gratitude. In a nutshell, ‘Wabi’ basically focuses on elegance which is understated and simplicity which is rustic. It encourages practicing of minimalism. And when you derive pleasure in the imperfections, it is called ‘Sabi’. Wabi-Sabi has a deep understanding of the transient and fleeting nature of this life. It teaches us to embrace the fragility of life and how to love life in all its shades. It teaches us to respect the mark of time and weather. It trains our eyes, heart and soul to seek beauty in unexpected places. You start seeing beauty in melancholy, solitude, in an old men’s toothless smile, in an old woman’s grey hair, in fading autumn leaves, in a broken earthen pot, in an uneven drift wood, in the pages of an old book, in the wrinkles of an old man’s forehead, in the rawness of emotions…..and many such so called ‘imperfect’ things.

Our fast paced and perfect modern lives often lead to stress, anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness and other mental health issues. Wabi-Sabi can help us in slowing down and to find meaning and fulfilment beyond materialism. It can assist us in deriving joy from the imperfections around us. It also encourages us to practice mindfulness and to count our blessings and to celebrate each moment of our life.

There are seven aesthetic principles for achieving Wabi-Sabi: tranquility, freedom, subtle grace, naturalness, asymmetry/irregularity, simplicity and understated beauty. The art of kintsugi is an excellent example of Wabi-Sabi. In this art form, a cracked pottery is filled with gold dusted lacquer to highlight the aging beauty and damage rather than trying to hide them. The fault is always highlighted and featured. Wabi-Sabi perpetuates the belief that imperfections are essential for a full appreciation of the broken object and this transitory and ever-changing world.
The art of Wabi-Sabi doesn’t require wealth, specialised training, special skills, special abilities or talents. Wabi-Sabi is about acceptance and appreciation of what you already have including all your imperfections. It’s about loving yourself as you are. Wabi-Sabi makes you a ‘perfect’ all accepting, patient, kind, resilient and a beautiful ‘Artist’ of this imperfect world. It allows you to be yourself. You understand and learn how delightfully liberating and joyous it is to fall in love with yourself – imperfections, scars, flaws and all. You realize how beautiful it is to be totally and perfectly ‘Imperfect!’ Imperfection is beautiful becomes your mantra.

A Half Remembered Song

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

fb_img_1558012562792

Some forgotten memories, a half remembered song, a bit of faded red, a bit of faded green, a whiff of some forgotten perfume, the sensation of a forgotten touch, the intensity of a lingering gaze, the scent of an old book,…….yet another beautiful moment in time, when memories sing a sweet lullaby to you…

❤

Mothers & Daughters

~ vibhadassingh ~ 3 Comments

5a4de87fe01ce2c61b041061df9b2aa5
“Pregnant with Twins!” When the news finally sank in, I desperately prayed I would have identical twin girls. Being a mother of a beautiful boy, all I now wanted was a daughter.

I consider my own mother to be one of my best friends. I can talk to her about anything and everything. As a woman, she understood me beyond words, pauses and awkward silences.

Yes of course, as a teenager, we had our fair share of heated arguments. And despite our personality differences, she was the first one who understood me when I chopped my long flowing tresses after a bad breakup. She did have her hands full at times but calmly took it all in stride.

When I became a young woman, it was my mother who understood the pain of a young woman in love. She understood my desperate need to drop out of the dentistry school and my desire to go to far-flung Australia to pursue an entirely different career. After becoming a mother myself, I can understand how difficult it would have been for her to let her little girl go out into the world by herself. Every long distance phone call must have been a sigh of relief for her.

She lost her own mother when she was only three years old. She never had the same freedom as I did. She was intelligent, artistic, creative and very talented. She could have gone places if she had had the same opportunities and education as me. When she was first pregnant with me, she chose to give up her much coveted National Institute of Design acceptance in Ahmedabad because I had become her top priority. My father, being a progressive and supportive husband, encouraged her to pursue her dream but for her I was the dream. She wanted to make sure that her daughter got all the opportunities, education and freedom in life that she was denied.

I fondly remember that my mother used to sew beautiful dreamlike dresses for me and my dolls. She used to help me with my school projects and homework. She used to prepare delicious and nutritious meals for me and my siblings. All my friends used to look forward to my birthday parties.

After moving overseas we have become even closer. We both cherish our long conversations on the phone, our heartfelt letters, and small thoughtful parcels to each other. I have noticed that as I am getting older, I am becoming more and more like my mother and have much better understanding of why she did what she did in her life.

When I became a mother for the first time, my mother became my guide, my philosopher. As a woman she understands all my aches and pains. She was my pillar of strength emotionally, physically and mentally all throughout my pregnancy and afterwards.
As a family, we celebrated Mother’s Day in March although many others in the world celebrate in May. Mother’s Day, while now more commercial than ever before, is still a celebration of motherhood. When my 8 year old boy and my twins (a boy AND a girl!) bring home little handmade cards, and other crafts for me, I feel a sense of euphoria. They are pridefully displayed in my home, these declarations of ever so confidently “mumy I luv u”, with colourful little hand prints and wrong spellings.

Now that I am a mother of three beautiful children, I want to be just like my mother. I want to be my daughter’s best friend. I want my daughter to achieve her full potential and all I want to say to her is, “Dream BIG, Princess”, just like that Disney song that I often watch with her. When it comes on I notice her big twinkling eyes and an angelic smile on her sparkling face. Corny?  Sure, but oh so cute and appealing, especially to a 3 year old girl! SO, I repeat, “DREAM BIG, PRINCESS.”

“The Cubicle”

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

 

20190504_225510

“So, you are back again my friend!”

“Ah, what made you come this end?”

 

The lights are stark white and bright

Enough to cause your soul dark blight

 

The carpets are ashy and grey

It will be a slow and painful slay

 

A daily dry drudgery at your dreadful desk

You will be reduced to a robot so grotesque

 

The keypads are making noises

Tik, tik, tik, tik those tiny sinister voices

 

You are dressed up so neat and chic

To stare for hours on end on the screens so bleak

 

Your heart will shout relentless screams

They will shatter one by one, all your dreams

 

A fake and a constant smile

To keep you going for the endless miles

 

Your spontaneity will be curtailed

Your creativity will be derailed

 

A million thoughts will run across your mind

How can you escape such a soul less grind

 

But there is a thing called ‘mortgage’

To keep you forever amused and engaged

 

You have to consider your kids and their future

So don’t you yet become a comfort creature

 

Open your eyes wide with strokes of mascara

Look around, there are younger and prettier ones in this icy cold terra

 

Watch that mature woman with sky high heels

Her back is obviously breaking and is definitely out of keel

 

They all seem happier than usual

But watch out, the masks are peeling and now visual

 

That young one didn’t sleep last night

She is a single mum, fighting tight

 

Her doctor prescribed her some ‘happy pills’

And consoled her, you will eventually learn the drill

 

A steep career ladder she has to climb

Losing your soul in the game, is no crime

 

The survival of the fittest is the mantra

It is a very orderly and well-mannered janta

 

Your resilience will be rewarded sooner or later

Just don’t question things that matter

 

Type away and carry on

Soldier on and battle on

 

Happy days are around the corner

It’s a black comedy not a white horror

 

So laugh your heart out

Harbour in your mind no doubt

 

It’s a safe haven with excellent working conditions

Please don’t tamper with those “Happiness Index” definitions!

~ Vibha

 

What Will Your Verse Be?

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

7564c6e91bb29887ce4dcff81ec21bc7

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world…… And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. That you are here; that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse, what will your verse be?

– Robbin Williams, Dead Poets Society

Love Unedited

~ vibhadassingh ~ Leave a comment

668710af715ee34130943e1e72f96fda

You might be fortunate enough to come across someone with whom you feel a sense of freedom, freedom to be just yourself. You can remain silent for hours together and yet feel no need to talk. Words are not needed anymore, you somehow feel complete with the person. You know in your heart, mind and soul that you have a friend, a soul mate, your life partner. You have a taste of happiness and contentment.

You wish to spend the rest of your life with your soul mate. You look forward to spending your time together. Laying in bed for hours talking about anything and everything under the sun. You don’t edit, you don’t stop and think, you flow like a river, without any hindrances. You feel like a child, running through the green meadows, trying to catch the rays of the sun, with eyes half closed…

Love & happiness always